… still trying to confuse, frustrate and alienate my fans!

Seriously man, the decision makers behind this triple album / Lotusflow3r.com deal must be smoking a lot of good weed up there in Beverly Hills, because they’re moving…very… slooowwwlyy. We’re a few days away from March, and this groundbreaking venture called Lotusflow3r.com – where he’s supposed to be offering up his three new albums – Lotusflow3r, MPLSound, and Bria Valente’s Elixir – has yet to see the light of day. It was back in early January when the site launched, and Prince said in an interview that the new music would be hitting his web site and a big box retailer “as soon as the holidays are over”. Maybe he’s talking St. Patty’s Day as that milestone holiday? If so, only a few more weeks!

Lotusflow3r.com does have some activity. The latest out of this world, cutting edge features:

• A mini television that can be clicked on to reveal a butterfly floating through Prince’s futuristic mini-fantasy land for 30 seconds.
• A fake newspaper article touting how “Prince’s LOTUSFLOW3R Oscar Bash is the talk of the town”, with some links to a few external entertainment sites with reviews from the night. (P’s random cover of the night: Jimmy Eat World’s “The Middle”). $100 at the door. Show started at 1:45am, and wrapped up around 3:30.
• A photograph of Bria Valente, shooting a video on the beach.
• A closeup of Bria Valente’s face. Pretty girl, yes.
• A side shot of a grinning Bria Valente starting into the distance. Okay, enough!
• An interactive “ticket” where you can fill in your First Name, your Last Name, and your Email Address to sign up for “updates”. I’ve been signed up for several weeks, and still not a peep.
• And three little cassette tapes that are playing snippets of one song each: “Colonized Mind” (a slow guitar-driven track from Lotusflow3r), “Discojellyfish” (80’s synthpop/funk from MPLSound), and “Another Boy” (from Bria’s new record, it’s a smooth, zzzzzzzzzzzzz).

Other than that, you can enjoy the view of clouds floating through blackness.

Am I being impatient? Or does this guy just not know how to market his music anymore? At the very least, he could be taking some of these individual songs and making them available for purchase somewhere. Prince loves him some $$$, and there’s plenty of folks like me ready to pay out for our fix, for better or worse. Just give us the opportunity!

I keep hearing how groundbreaking this Lotusflow3r.com is going to be. Well, I do believe it’s time. Stop the hype and give us some substance. Rock us! Funk us up! Something! Anything! Kick these brilliant webmasters in the ass and give it to us!

Something tells me the little general’s Ego is about as big as the planet Earth out there in Hollywood, and that the poontang done clouded his brain. Again.

Snap out of it Prince! Oh, and get back out on the road, dude. There’s other people who are interested in seeing you besides Jamie Foxx, Penelope Cruz, and your Hollywood star-porkers. Thanks.