The # 1 song in the country, folks, is “Low” by Flo Rida.
It’s your basic club hit of the month. The same machismo / underlying misogyny, the same “baby girl” references, the same drum machine programming. Same same same. But it’s blowin’ up.
What grabbed my attention and sounded the alarm on the easily annoyed side of me was the name. Flo Rida. “Flow Rider” from Florida. Clever. As the calendar turns again to another year, these are the simple things that increasingly annoy me. The simple fact that the #1 song in our nation is performed by Flo Rida. With special guest T-Pain, of course. It’s always T-Pain or Akon.
So I’m ready to join up with a label and discover some new talent. My first acts:
- Ari Zona – Hasidic hip-hop act, a la Matisyahu, comin’ at you straight outta the deZert.
- Cal I. Fornia – New bubblegum mainstream Country act. Sort of looks like that country guy from the first season of the “Real World”. I see duets with Kellie Pickler. I see a 21st century Hee Haw. I see him impregnating Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Jamie Lynn Spears, and Aries Spears. I see the twilight of his career spent in a trailer with Uncle Kracker and K-Fed.
- Minnie Sota – Dammit it’s time for a Nordic Hannah Montana from the Land of 10,000 Lakes! Hit singles: “He Grabbed My Lutefisk (and Stole My Heart)” and “Ya Darn Tootin’ (I’d Move to Bemidji with You)”.
Who am I missing?
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBBsC0u_qoI 336 278]