A Black Crowes Giveaway
It’s high time for another Ickmusic giveaway! Yow!! The promotional gods have bequeathed upon me some cool goodies. Rhino has struck again with 2 cool Black Crowes releases. Here’s a snippet from the press release:
LOS ANGELES – Twice The Black Crowes have recorded albums that were never officially released: Tall in 1993 and Band in 1997. While a few songs from these lost albums were rerecorded and released on studio albums, many have emerged only through the band’s legendary live shows. The Black Crowes recently went into the vault, collecting the best moments from those abandoned sessions for a special treat for their longtime fans. Titled THE LOST CROWES, it is a two-disc set of unreleased music that has been remixed for its public debut on Rhino….
The Black Crowes released its first home video, WHO KILLED THAT BIRD OUT ON YOUR WINDOW SILL, in 1992 while touring for the band’s sophomore album. Rhino Home Video will release a remastered and expanded version of the video on DVD that features live performances, interviews, backstage and studio footage, videos from the group’s first two albums, and additional bonus features. [read the full Press Release doc]
You can check out this Crowes eCard to listen to some tracks off the CD’s, check out the track listing, and buy the CD and/or the DVD. The handful of tracks I’ve heard (“A Conspiracy”, “p.25 London”) make me not want to give away the CD, but give it away I will!
Ah, but there is a caveat. You must work for your winnings. Here’s the question to ponder: Chris Robinson, lead singer of the Crowes, recently broke it off with actress Kate Hudson after several years of marriage. The rumor mill has it that she got a little too friendly with actor Owen Wilson on the set of their latest movie. So the scenario is this… it’s a late Saturday night in a smoky L.A. bar, and Owen is wrapping up a game of pool. In walks Chris, who shuffles up to the bar, orders a shot of whiskey and a bottle of beer. He sees Owen across the bar and starts to amble over. Lo and behold, Owen’s playing pool with Kurt Russell, Chris’s former daddy in law.
Words are exchanged, and before you know it, Russell and Wilson jump Chris like two vicious street hoods. Slash (formerly of Guns n Roses) sees what’s happening, and jumps in to help Chris.
Oh, it’s on now. Chris Robinson and Slash are squaring off in a barroom brawl with Owen Wilson and Kurt Russell. Magic question: who wins the fight? Leave a comment below. Any details, like instruments used, special kung-fu moves, etc. are welcome. My favorite will win the CD, DVD, and collector’s edition Black Crowes matchbox.
Buy the CD, The Lost Crowes
Buy the DVD, Who Killed That Bird Out On Your Window Sill
“Jealous Again” Video
“Remedy” Video
“She Talks to Angels” Video
The Black Crowes Official Web Site
11 Comments
Michael Kropp
After Slash helps even things up, he squares off with Kurt while Chris takes on Owen.
Slash and Kurt exchange a few vicious blows and it seems pretty even until Slash finally empties his omnipresent Jack Daniel’s bottle and uses it to knock the old man out cold.
Meanwhile, Chris and Owen are surprisingly even-matched. That is until Owen gets the upper hand by distracting Chris by telling him that Chris’ kid Ryder calls Owen “New Daddy”. This sends Chris into a hysterical (and hairy) rage, but his 100-lb. frame isn’t packing quite enough punch to subdue Owen.
Owen starts tossing the now-sobbing Chris around like a ragdoll, throws him into a corner, and is about to finalize things once and for all… when all of a sudden Slash yells “CHRIS!” and tosses him a CD of Steely Dan’s “Two Against Nature” album. *
Chris wings the shiny disc at Owen like a chinese star and yells “TAKE THAT DUPREE!” at which point the spinning CD cuts off Owen’s Karl Malden-like nose like a deli-slicer and he hits the ground crying, bleeding, and pleading “UNCLE!!”.
ROCK always beats everything else…
* http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,204910,00.html
Yogi's Warrior
Pete – you missed out one important detail.
Pop’s equivalent of the Ant Hill Mob – Prince, Whacko and Moby – are sat in the corner having a quiet pint working out their next career moves. Suddenly, Moby leaps up, whips out a stale nut cutlet from his pocket, hurls it in Slash’s direction, knocking him spark out. Michael Jackson proves his acting career may not be over quite yet, whipping off his face and letting rip, Oddjob-style, sending it across the room to decapitate Owen and Slash. Cubby Broccoli, via a medium is well impressed. Prince in the mean time has leapt to his feet, planting a well-aimed stiletto into Chris, game over.
Unfortunately for them, Prince is off balance and falls back onto the point of his guitar, death is instantaneous. Jackson’s face meanwhile is on its return arc and connects with both Moby and Whacko in one fell swoop, settling on the bar next to Diana Ross. “So that’s where I left it….”, she comments before settling down with her Pina Colada, plotting how to save the world by knocking off James Blunt.
Zack
Short answer: Slash, because he’s the coolest (even if he is doing Volkswagen ads now)
Longer answer:
Chris: Hey pretty boy, what’s the deal with stealing my chick?
Owen: Fuck you, hippie! Kate wants to be with a real man, who isn’t stoned out of his gourd night and day.
Chris: I’ve shown her things that you can’t even imagine. I’ve opened the doors of her consciousness. You’ve just opened her legs.
Owen: I don’t have to take this shit from some dope-smoking, tree-hugging unbathed freak. I’m sure you can find some free love chick with braided armpit hair and dreadlocks to explore the expanses of your consciousness with. But real girls dig real dudes, it’s that simple. I’m out of here.
Kurt (wearing an eyepatch): Whoa, buddy. Not so fast. Seems to me there’s a score to settle here.
Owen: I was just leaving. Get out of my way, you played out, washed up hack.
Kurt swipes a bowie knife from his boot. He gets Owen in a headlock from behind, pressing the knife against his throat “Excuse me? I don’t take any lip from chickenshit pretty boys like you. I’ve got a mind to hack your skull off right here and now.”
Just then, Slash stumbles into them, falls on the floor, and pukes on Owen Wilson’s shoes.
Owen: My shoes! My shoes!
Slash: hehh heh. More whiskey!
Kurt is disoriented (and a bit disgusted) by all of this. Owen decides to make a run for it in the confusion, but slips on his own vomit, cracking his skull open on the corner of the pool table. He’ll live, but he’s out cold for now.
Kurt: Holy shit!
Chris: Check his pockets and see if he has any weed on him.
Slash unzips his jeans and proceeds to piss on Owen Wilson before the entire lot of them are thrown into the street.
The End.
Pete
Oh lordy, we’re off to a roaring start with these first three entries.
Highlights for me thus far:
Michael: “Owen gets the upper hand by distracting Chris by telling him that Chris’ kid Ryder calls Owen “New Daddy”. ”
Yogi’s Warrior: “Jackson’s face meanwhile is on its return arc and connects with both Moby and Whacko in one fell swoop, settling on the bar next to Diana Ross.”
Zack: “Kurt swipes a bowie knife from his boot. He gets Owen in a headlock from behind, pressing the knife against his throat “Excuse me? I don’t take any lip from chickenshit pretty boys like you. I’ve got a mind to hack your skull off right here and now.”” and kudos to Kurt with an eyepatch. Good call!
Well done you three. Who else can give ’em a run for the money?
The Chainsaw
Kurt and Owen club Slash and Chris like seals.Owen pretty much sits in the background while Kurt releases all his pent up rage.Kurt grabs Slash by the hair and starts twirling him over his head like Thor with an Uru mallet. He quick releases the spinning Slash and sends him into a wall where he lies stunned. Kurt them grabs the cringing Chris and tells him he never liked him and that he isn’t fit to be on the same Planet as Kate and that he knows how to deal with Heroin Boys. Kurt reaches down and pulls Chris’s intestines out. He pulls out a sufficient length and begins to jump rope with the spilled guts . Slash arises from his stupor and begins a second assault.Kurt fashions a larriet from the intestines and whips it around the neck of Slash. After choking the air and most of the life out of Slash, Kurt begins squeezing the contents of Chris’s intestines into the gasping mouth of Slash. The residue of many bad meals and years of drug abuse are like Popeye’s spinach to Slash and he starts to make a comeback. Slash begins to get the upper hand while taunting Kurt about his recent acting choices. ” Is that all you got Posiedon man?” Kurts eyes slowly glaze over and a new meaner look appears. “Call Me Snake”
Reaching down into his boot, Kurt comes up with a short barelled .38, he pumps 5 quick shots into Slash’s face. Thank you, Thank you very much.
He drags Slash out into the parking lot and throws the remains in a stack of Volkswagens, muttering “Rock’n’roll pussies, never could put up a fight.”
Kurt then realizes he’s going to have to go kick the shit out of Jerry Lee Lewis and Chuck Berry just to get a proper workout.
Returing to the carnage in the bar, Owen Wilson hands him a beer and says, “I knew you could take care of this Dad” Kurt grabs the beer bottle and beats Owen to his knees.” Don’t call me Dad”Kurt tells him. “OK, Snake” replies the bewildered Wilson. Kurt then grabs him up and bitchslaps his eyes out. “Don’t talk about my disposition either!”Kurt admonishes him. Kurt then takes Owen’s wallet and buys a round for the house.
B2
Wow… That one is just wrong!
Pete
Hey man, that’s real life in Hollywood.
Dan
what’s your deadline? I’m working on a good one.
Pete
How ’bout the end of the weekend…
Pete
Wish you could all be winners, but there can only be one… and the winner this time was our first entry from Michael…. it definitely set the tone and made me laugh out loud (as they all did).
Michael – email on the way!
Dan
Damn, I never got my entry in. It had Ben Stiller getting his ass kicked for doing the same character in every movie, my 4 year old coming in and kicking Owen Wilson in the shins for making Cars a boring-ass movie, Luke Wilson coming in to help but breaking down crying because he’s so “sensitive”. Slash pulls the old 3 Stooges trick and has Kurt Russell look into his hat as he punches him through it. And Axl showing up in response to Slash’s emergency call and cutting everyone down with CDs, which, as we find out as our heros are leaving the bar, turns out to be the first pressings of Chinese Democracy.