What the Kids are Listening to: Flo Rida
The # 1 song in the country, folks, is “Low” by Flo Rida.
It’s your basic club hit of the month. The same machismo / underlying misogyny, the same “baby girl” references, the same drum machine programming. Same same same. But it’s blowin’ up.
What grabbed my attention and sounded the alarm on the easily annoyed side of me was the name. Flo Rida. “Flow Rider” from Florida. Clever. As the calendar turns again to another year, these are the simple things that increasingly annoy me. The simple fact that the #1 song in our nation is performed by Flo Rida. With special guest T-Pain, of course. It’s always T-Pain or Akon.
So I’m ready to join up with a label and discover some new talent. My first acts:
- Ari Zona – Hasidic hip-hop act, a la Matisyahu, comin’ at you straight outta the deZert.
- Cal I. Fornia – New bubblegum mainstream Country act. Sort of looks like that country guy from the first season of the “Real World”. I see duets with Kellie Pickler. I see a 21st century Hee Haw. I see him impregnating Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Jamie Lynn Spears, and Aries Spears. I see the twilight of his career spent in a trailer with Uncle Kracker and K-Fed.
- Minnie Sota – Dammit it’s time for a Nordic Hannah Montana from the Land of 10,000 Lakes! Hit singles: “He Grabbed My Lutefisk (and Stole My Heart)” and “Ya Darn Tootin’ (I’d Move to Bemidji with You)”.
Who am I missing?
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBBsC0u_qoI 336 278]
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9 Comments
Michael
You forgot North & South Da Kota – Twin gangsta rappers that are at war with each other.
Bo-bella
Illy-Noi!
Hard hittin’ thug straight out of East St. Louis! Keepin it real in the real ghetto…even Walmart is scared to set up shop here yo!
jazzmaster
Hello?!
Are you not down wit da baddest mama rapper in the midwest…
I Da Ho ?!
Ain’t no pimp gonna’ be slappin her around… and her rhymes are sick:
“I’m badness on the mike
No slappin’ me like Ike
Puttin’ new diseases in ya’
I’m the new millenium Tina”
Yeah… She’s all dat!
🙂
Bo-bella
Indie Anna
Underground act whos schtick is to show up and surprise midwestern kids at all the 18 and under raves. She can be identified by her fat pasty midwestern ass and her hot pink shoelaces.
gah! I’m having too much fun with this! Oh darnit! The above rapper should be Illy-Noise! ha ha!
jazzmaster
Lest we forget the latest “Explicit Lyrics” rapper:
Kan’s Azz
Talkin’ ’bout big booty slappin and Supermannin’ dat ho’
Better look out… Kan’s Azz be on a roll!
Pete
Oh these are good..
I was also plotting the career of Tex Ass, the transgender big bootied country singin’ hip hop star – sort of like a cross between Cowboy Troy and Ru Paul, with a Kim Kardashian-like posterior.
SteveC
Don’t forget Y. O. Ming, the latest Asian pop sensation from China
Pixie
You win.
http://pixie66.typepad.com/my_weblog/2008/01/
thank-you-mr-ra.html
Private Beach
Then there’s Mitch Egan, old-time rock’n’roller from Detroit.