Prince

My Name is Prince, and I am…

… still trying to confuse, frustrate and alienate my fans!

Seriously man, the decision makers behind this triple album / Lotusflow3r.com deal must be smoking a lot of good weed up there in Beverly Hills, because they’re moving…very… slooowwwlyy. We’re a few days away from March, and this groundbreaking venture called Lotusflow3r.com – where he’s supposed to be offering up his three new albums – Lotusflow3r, MPLSound, and Bria Valente’s Elixir – has yet to see the light of day. It was back in early January when the site launched, and Prince said in an interview that the new music would be hitting his web site and a big box retailer “as soon as the holidays are over”. Maybe he’s talking St. Patty’s Day as that milestone holiday? If so, only a few more weeks!

Lotusflow3r.com does have some activity. The latest out of this world, cutting edge features:

  • A mini television that can be clicked on to reveal a butterfly floating through Prince’s futuristic mini-fantasy land for 30 seconds.
  • A fake newspaper article touting how “Prince’s LOTUSFLOW3R Oscar Bash is the talk of the town”, with some links to a few external entertainment sites with reviews from the night. (P’s random cover of the night: Jimmy Eat World’s “The Middle”). $100 at the door. Show started at 1:45am, and wrapped up around 3:30.
  • A photograph of Bria Valente, shooting a video on the beach.
  • A closeup of Bria Valente’s face. Pretty girl, yes.
  • A side shot of a grinning Bria Valente starting into the distance. Okay, enough!
  • An interactive “ticket” where you can fill in your First Name, your Last Name, and your Email Address to sign up for “updates”. I’ve been signed up for several weeks, and still not a peep.
  • And three little cassette tapes that are playing snippets of one song each: “Colonized Mind” (a slow guitar-driven track from Lotusflow3r), “Discojellyfish” (80’s synthpop/funk from MPLSound), and “Another Boy” (from Bria’s new record, it’s a smooth, zzzzzzzzzzzzz).

Other than that, you can enjoy the view of clouds floating through blackness.

Am I being impatient? Or does this guy just not know how to market his music anymore? At the very least, he could be taking some of these individual songs and making them available for purchase somewhere. Prince loves him some $$$, and there’s plenty of folks like me ready to pay out for our fix, for better or worse. Just give us the opportunity!

I keep hearing how groundbreaking this Lotusflow3r.com is going to be. Well, I do believe it’s time. Stop the hype and give us some substance. Rock us! Funk us up! Something! Anything! Kick these brilliant webmasters in the ass and give it to us!

Something tells me the little general’s Ego is about as big as the planet Earth out there in Hollywood, and that the poontang done clouded his brain. Again.

Snap out of it Prince! Oh, and get back out on the road, dude. There’s other people who are interested in seeing you besides Jamie Foxx, Penelope Cruz, and your Hollywood star-porkers. Thanks.

9 Comments

  • Chuck

    NICE JOB!!! Mr. Lotusflow3r…
    Keep alienating your true fans “PURPLE MIDGET!!!!” God don’t like ugly!!
    Why is it when a so called Prince fan is asked what’s their favorite Prince album they always, ALWAYS say PURPLE FUCKIN’ RAIN?
    Especially these clueless Hollywood celebrities that seem to think that they know it all and are really just stuck on stupid!!!
    Like Public Enemy says “Don’t Believe The Hype”!
    Prince needs to take a clue from a real “fan friendly” website like
    the genius Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails.
    Instead he’s continues to play these childish cyber idiotic games with his fans. So personally I’ll stop buying new official Prince of any kind or waste my hard earn money registering on his new site.
    The economy is in the crapper as it is so F*** YOU PURPLE MIDGET!!! 🙁

  • jazzmaster

    Preach it, brother Pete.

    I keep reading about these celeb parties (or the Avalon Club outing… in L-freakin’-A). What about the other 99.9% of his fans who want to see and hear the man? A tour sure would be nice. It’s been almost 5 years since the man has been through the midwest.

    And the album(s)? I know many of us were under the impression that new music was going to drop in January. For a guy who writes a song a day (or some nonsense like that), it sure is taking him a long time to get some new music OUT.

    The LotusFlow3r website ‘looked’ like it had some potential when it launched, but it’s really turned into another lame joke. What’s up, Prince? Damn.

  • Pete

    Damn, Chuck’s pissed.
    Hey Chuck, come on, man… my favorite album is STILL Purple Rain after all these years and I like to think I’m not stuck on stupid (though my wife may disagree)… 😉

  • Chuck

    Hey Pete no offense to you dude. The word stupid for sure doesn’t apply to you personally. Purple Rain is one of my best Prince albums also but I’m talking about those so called Prince fans that seemed to have went into a 25 year coma after seeing the Purple Rain movie & buying the album. It’s just a damn shame that they’ve missed out on so much of Prince’s best & most creative work after that era.
    I agree with Gonzo’s reaction with Prince’s playing all these covers lately especially covering Jimmy Eat World’s “The Middle.”
    MAN!!! WHAT A CRAP!!!
    Jimi Hendrix must be rolling in his grave right now cause
    Jimmy Eat World ain’t exactly Bob Dylan. What’s next to cover Menudo?
    Prince is really reachin’ this time. 🙂

  • Gulu76

    Tell it like it is Pete! i do however wonder whether some of this princely nonsense is a substitute for some energetic, creative and distinctive music from the little’un. won’t stop me from parting with my cash to hear it though.

  • farah fine

    What your problem? Its music geesh! Get angry about the worlds hunger problem and financial crisis. Getting mad about this is just plain sillyness.

  • woodenleg

    The writer woke up on the wrong side of the bed LOL. Yes you are impatient and you complain too much. Chill out

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